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Chapter 5:
Stairway to Heaven
by Quwinntessa Starber
Willow couldn’t shake the feeling of being safe in the arms of Spike; it was like a blanket of warm peace that settled over her chilled by death frame. She tried to ignore it.
The hallway he carried her down seemed to go on forever, yet every few steps she seemed to pass some door or opening that led into another room.
Spike noticed her watching the doors and rooms pass by. "Be patient, Luv. I’ll show them all to you in good time." He continued down the hallway until he reached a flight of stairs that descended quite a ways. Adjusting his grip around her body he climbed down the stairs as if he wasn’t carrying an additional 105 and a half pounds.
Closing her eyes, Willow allowed Spike to carry her down the staircase and beyond. She wanted him to show her everything, everything she’d been missing her whole life. In anticipation she waited keeping her eyes closed. It was like being reborn again. When she opened her eyes she knew she would be entering a world she would never leave alive. Holding her breath she waited for Spike to cease his movements.
Spike wrapped his arms tighter around Willow. She was so slight in his arms that all he felt he could do to keep her with him was to hold onto her for dear life. When he’d reentered her room after rearranging the bathroom and made the mistake of talking about her friends he’d seen a dark look pass over her face. He feared that his blunder would cause her to continue her death wish. Knowing he could do nothing but take her mind off of her thoughts he’d decided to keep his promise and show her around the mansion. Her face when he’d said that he was keeping his promise lit up, almost like she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kept their word to her. He knew he was speculating her reaction but what he did know was a light had gone on in her eyes at his words, and whether it was because she would get to see where she was or something else, it didn’t matter as long as her eyes lit up like that always.
Realizing he was exactly where he wanted to begin her tour he stopped and whispered near her ear that lay on his chest. "Willow, take a breath and open your eyes."
She did as he said. With her eyes still closed she took a deep breath and exhaled her old life. As she inhaled her new one she opened her eyes and the new breath died on her lips.
A grand entranceway lay before her covered in white marble and glittering in the candle light which was housed in over twenty scones which lined the walls. The ceiling lifted two dozen feet above her and encompassed the second story while a staircase, the width of three-quarters of the entranceway, stood over thirty feet away from her. Beautiful pictures of grassy fields in the summer sun hung along the walls and seemed to shine in the candlelight. She could see four distinct hallways that branched away from the foyer, two to the left and the other two to the right. Recessed from the stairs in front of her were two double doors that were currently closed—the design, those of French doors. To her right, Willow saw a room made entirely of glass walls and beyond the walls she could see green plants growing, their broad leaves fanning out against the glass. Turning her head so she was looking over Spike’s shoulder, Willow saw the Grand Entrance with its two sturdy oak doors and delicate carvings.
She was speechless. All around her were things she had only seen in old movies like Gone with the Wind. Willow had never actually dreamed of ever being in a house like this one let alone living in one with a vampire. Turning her head around she looked into Spike’s eyes and just stared at him; she didn’t even know where to begin.
"Do you like it, Luv?" He smiled knowing from her expression that she loved the old place already.
Her reply came out in a whisper, her excitement was so great. "May I see the rest?"
Spike’s smile widened and the look of pleasure and happiness that plastered itself on his face lit up a place deeply stowed away inside Willow Rosenburg. She felt her heart trip over itself that she had made him happy; that she was able to make at least someone happy. The last thought brought her down a little but Willow ignored it and instead concentrated on getting Spike to show her the rest of her home.
"Are you going to grin all night long or show me this incredible house?" Her voice echoed down the hallway and came back at her in a slightly higher tone. She smiled and looked toward the direction her echo had come. "It’s so…beautiful."
He watched the instantaneous love and affection for the mansion come over her; much like it had himself all those decades ago. Her eyes sparkled and caught the light of the tapers, making them dance to a music only she could hear. Here in his arms, she was the most startlingly beautiful creature he had ever had the privilege of setting his eyes upon.
"I’ll show you your new home, Willow and so much more if you’ll let me."
He met her eyes as they sought his. A look of desperation came over them, as if she wanted his words to be true so badly that she ached inside for them. Drawing her closer into his body, he offered her shelter from those things that haunted her every moment. He felt her snuggle into him again searching for a body heat she would not find. Finally when she settled down she whispered sadly. "I can’t let you…may I see the house now?"
A pain radiated off of the small woman in his arms. She was turning to him for comfort and all he could give her was a cold shoulder to lean against. He wanted so much to reassure her, to let her know that he could give her the world and then some. That if she’d let him, he’d give her everything her short life had obviously been missing—if only she’d let him.
"Rest against me now, Luv. There’ll be plenty of time for me to convince you later. For now let me show you all that you now possess, for what is mine, is yours. It’s a long tour, why not close you’re eyes. I’ll tell you when we get somewhere exciting."
He could feel the smile against his chest, whether from relief or mirth, he couldn’t be sure. "I couldn’t possibly close my eyes, I’ve been waiting for this moment for…it seems like my whole life."
"It has been, Willow. Wait, you’ll see, I’ll show it to you." Moving away from the door, Spike stepped towards the hallway to the right.
One side of the hallway was against the glass room and consequently had one side of candles and summer paintings and the other a see-through glass of exotic flora. Willow watched the leaves and half hidden flowers pass by as Spike carried her the fifteen feet or so it took to reach the wood door at its end. Shifting her weight to the right side of his body, Spike used the hand that held her legs to open the door.
Her first glimpse inside afforded Willow a view of a large, formal looking parlor room, which included a set of couches, chairs, and end tables that all matched with there dark cherry wood finish. The upholstery of the cushions was a deep reddish brown.
Willow was instantly reminded that whoever decorated this room was most defiantly a vampire.
Candles sat in elaborate scones and lit the room, along with a roaring fire that lay directly in front of her and Spike. To her right Willow saw twelve-foot tall, floor to ceiling windows, that were currently covered by dark maroon velvet drapes. Paintings were scattered decoratively along the walls. These, unlike the summer paintings in the entranceway, depicted people. Whom, she did not know.
"How well do you know the lay-out of Victorian houses? Do they even teach you that stuff in school these days?"
"Well, I mean, I know that this is the parlor room, where the residence of the manor would greet guests, but I didn’t learn it in any class." A light blush fell across her features. "Um, I read it in a book, somewhere."
Spike let that one slide, he’d ask her about it later if it came up. "Good, then I don’t have to tell you that this is one of my least favorite rooms in this place—"
"Wait!—What do you mean? How come you don’t like this room?"
His voice took on a husky, sultry tone. "Come on, Luv. If you have to go into this room that means you have guests. And if you have guests, that means you have to stop whatever you were doing before they got here. Do you know how annoying that can be? Especially when you’re doing something you don’t want to be interrupted doing?"
An image of Spike being interrupted making love to Drusilla flashed through Willow’s mind. "Yeah, I guess I understand what you mean."
"Good, then you know how annoying it is to entertain guest when you’re trying to cook a Crème Brule."
Willow didn’t miss the wicked smile that settled onto his handsome features. "Ha, ha, very funny."
"It’s not my fault you’ve got your mind in the gutter like that."
Blood rose to her cheeks and stained them a lovely shade of pink. "It was not."
"Willow, a word to the wise," she looked up at him. "Your heart rate picks up a little when you’re lying." A hearty laugh left his sculptured mouth as he turned her around and took her back down the hallway they’d just come from.
Again crossing the foyer Spike carried her, down the opposite hallway and into the formal dinning room. It stretched over thirty feet long, with a grand table that nearly coincided with the length of the room. Against one wall was a massive stone fireplace that stood as tall as a man. Willow could only imagine the poor trees that had been sacrifice to feed the flames it would produce. Around the table were great winged-backed chairs, so many Willow couldn’t count them as Spike carried her from that room and through a recessed door into the kitchen.
And what a kitchen it was. White marble flooring covered wall to wall, while the same covered the counter tops. Decorated entirely in white, Willow took in the old style stove and other appliances. She also noted absently that there was a refrigerator in a house without electricity; she filed that tidbit away for later.
"Think you could cook in this kitchen?" A broad smile trekked across his face.
"I’ve been cooking for myself since I was six, I think I can manage to cook in here." There was a calm in her voice that she wished wasn’t there, it spoke volumes to her, and she knew, also to Spike.
"Doesn’t sound like your mom was a great cook? Actually sounds to me like she was a pretty lousy mom all around."
Willow jerked her head up and glared at the vampire who held her so intimately against him. "You don’t know anything about my family, so don’t you even think to presume anything about what type of mother I had!"
"Had, Luv? As in used to have, like when you were two. I listened to Angelus when the Great Angel of Death was still around. Even he thought we should do you a favor and dine at your house."
He’d struck a cord, he could tell that. Her face seemed to fall and yet register that her terrible homelife was even a topic of the undead. Suddenly she began to struggle in his arms. "Willow quite that!"
"No! Put me down right now! I don’t want you to touch me!" She struggled with more fever, pushing against his chest and kicking her feet.
"Willow stop! NOW!" His voice echoed around the twenty-foot kitchen, bouncing back and forth across the counter tops, stopping only when running full force into Willow, who had ceased her movements the moment Spike had yelled at her.
Spike shifted her back into a more comfortable position in his arms and regarded her for a moment. In that time, Willow’s down cast eyes never met his and she seemed to curl into herself. It was then, at the point of her withdrawal from him, that Spike felt regret shoot through him like a blinding pain. "Ah Gods, Willow I’m sorry," His soft voice made her take pause in her retreat from him. "I didn’t mean to scare you, Luv. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that. For that I am sorry." Then suddenly his voice took on a ferociousness. "I however, will not ask for forgiveness for what I said about your mother—I meant it."
The icy steel in his words caused Willow to look up at him. In his eyes she saw the anger she wished she could express about her long absent parents. She felt through him the raw pain and screams for revenge she wished so desperately she could enact. To him she only said. "It’s ok."
He wasn’t sure if she meant that she forgave him for scaring her or for his comment about her mother. Taking her reply to mean the first, Spike ran his thumb comfortingly along the thigh he was holding her up by. Pulling her more fully into his body where she’d been before her struggles he moved away from the kitchen and out another door and into another hallway.
Stepping into the foyer, Spike moved to the glass wall on the right hand side of the hall, and using his right hand, opened the glass enclosure. Humidity instantly hit both human and vampire as Spike stepped into the room and kicked the door shut with his foot. He maneuvered the two down a stone path that had been placed among the many plants and flowering bushes.
"This used to be Dru’s favorite place to come during the day. She used to say that she could feel the sun’s rays shinning through the house to kiss the plants. Of course she was always saying crazy stuff like that."
Willow, still a little confused about what had transpired between the two in the kitchen, was brought out of her reverie at Spike’s confession. Looking around her, Willow felt the warmth, both physically and emotionally comforting. Moving one of her arms from around Spike’s neck, Willow pulled a night blooming flower closer to her nose. The smell of Jasmine filled her body with the peace she’d misplaced in the kitchen.
"I like it here."
Spike smiled, "I thought you might. Want to sit in here for a while? I could point out all the different types of flowers: I remember well having to learn all their names to please my dark Goddess."
Willow noted with surprise that he did not speak of Drusilla with as much reverence as she would have expected. Spike had spoken little about her since he’d brought her here. But from what Willow could glean from their conversations, Spike was either over her or had her buried deep inside himself to keep the pain of betrayal away. Willow understood betrayal. "Let’s keep going, I want to see the rest of the house."
"Willow, Willow, Willow, do you still think this is but a house?" There was mirth in him as he spoke and Willow was glad to hear that mentioning Drusilla did not seem to cut him deeply.
"I know it isn’t a house but mansion seems so…formal."
"Actually in the day it was called an estate. And this particular estate was—and is—called Windemere. It means—"
"’Home of the Wind’" she cut in. Then realizing she’d finished his sentence for him she blushed. "Giles made me learn a little Gaelic. That’s what it is isn’t it, Gaelic?"
"Yes, and you hit the translation right on the marker, good show, Luv."
His words, a small measure of admiration at her knowledge, swept through Willow like wild fire. She felt a rush of pride at her accomplishment and in herself. Not many people ever told her she’d done a good job. Willow was beginning to realize very quickly, Spike was no ordinary person.
"Show me more of Windemere."
"As the Lady commands."
What came next lay beyond the doors next to the stairs. The double sets of French doors led into the most amazing ballroom Willow had ever seen. Against where the stairs led up on the other side of the wall was a stage of sorts that would have housed—in the old days—a live band that would have played grand songs that begged to be danced to. Across the room on the right hand side stood another grand fireplace much like the one in the dinning room, only this was twice the size. The walls were lined with mirrors that made the ballroom seem three—four times the size it truly was which was huge. Along the far wall, interspersed between the mirrors, were French doors that led outside the manner, which Willow could not see for the light from half a dozen crystal candle-lit chandeliers reflected off the windows. The room was decorated in golds and whites, which added a pureness to the room that Willow found ironic since the estate was owned by a family of vampires.
Spike stepped into the middle of the room and stood facing the great fireplace, allowing Willow to soak up some of the heat it was spewing forth. Willow relaxed even more into Spike’s embrace and allowed the heat of the last two rooms to lull her into a feeling of even deeper security. Her eyes strayed to the mirrors on the far wall and she watched in stunned silence as she seemed to float in mid-air as Spike cast no reflection. Absently she mumbled. "Reflections of the soul."
"Hmm, Pet?" Spike noticed where she was looking and sighed. "Vampires cast no reflection because they have no souls. You’re right about that." Leaning into her he spoke softly into her ear. "But really, Luv, isn’t it more fun to dance with a man who has no soul?" And with that Spike began to turn around and around, spinning a tight circle that had Willow clinging to him for stability and shrieking with merriment. She watched as the mirror image of her seemed to float and spin on the dance floor as if she were some Great Spirit come back for one last dance.
When Spike deemed she’d had enough he stopped his turning to a small amount of protest by the girl in his arms.
"Don’t stop, please." She beseeched.
"Don’t you want to see the rest?" Was his only response.
Willow’s nod sealed their fate and Spike left the ballroom behind and climbed the stairs to the second landing.
At the top Willow noticed the two sets of double doors directly at the top of the stairs but dismissed them for later as Spike passed them and took the walkway to the left. Leaning over Spike’s embrace, Willow looked over the railing at the ground floor and marveled at the height they were at. Windemere was a very, very grand estate.
At the first door he shifted her again and opened it to reveal what Willow took as a study. Inside was a large desk made from a solid looking wood. Two chairs sat in front of the desk and one comfortable looking chair sat behind it. The room was done in browns and greens. Two oil lamps stood in the far corners of the room with green glass lampshades. Deep green carpet ran the floor, while wooden bookshelves the same color as the desk lined the walls to the left and right. No windows were in the room and Willow reasoned that business must have been conducted by the vampires during the day in this very room.
"It’s very…study-looking." Willow giggled at her inability to come up with a better adjective. "What I mean is it looks very, well, male." It was true, no respectable female would decorate the room in browns and greens, that was something only bachelors did.
Spike laughed, the motion rocking Willow gently, lovingly. "Oh Willow. It’s true. As a matter of fact, I decorated this room on my own."
At his admission of her assumption, Willow laughed outright. Spike thought it was one of the most beautiful sounds he’d ever heard.
"You know, there’s still more and this room can’t even compare to the others I have yet to show you. What say we keep going?"
"I’d like that."
Outside in the hallway, Spike again bypassed the double sets of doors. "Spike?"
"Hm?"
"What about those doors?"
A coy smile drew itself upon Spike’s face. "All in good time, Red. And only if you’re a very good girl."
At Willow’s grumble, Spike laughed out right and took the hallway to the right of the stairs which led to yet another flight of stairs. Willow reasoned that whatever was behind those doors Spike had yet to show her must be huge since it seemed to encompass the entire second floor. She wanted to go back and see it, there was something about the way Spike mentioned it that had Willow instantly on her best behavior.
At the top of the second flight of stairs, Willow recognized the hallway her room was located off of. Spike stopped at the beginning of the hallway and motioned with his head to the left side. "That side has all the extra bedrooms. The third door is yours, remember?" At her nod he continued. "Ok, first stop, one of my favorites."
Taking the first door to the right, Spike and Willow stepped into a beautiful recreational room. A pool table sat in the center of the room and Willow could see the cues against the far wall. On the left wall lay a dartboard and underneath that lay a circular table that Willow guessed was used to play cards. The room was again decorated in greens and browns, but here it looked more in place, like it fit the atmosphere of the room better. A brown leather couch sat under a window against the far wall, providing a place for people to sit when their turn at pool was over.
Willow instantly fell in love with the room. She felt connected to Spike in this room. Her feelings were all a jumble but he seemed to fit into this room better than all the rest; as if Spike could have been the gambling sort while he still breathed.
"I like this one."
Spike looked around the room and then back to Willow, "Me too. Something about the sport of it all." He smiled and Willow returned the gesture.
"Do you play pool, Luv?"
Thinking back to all the times she, Xander…and Buffy… had played, Willow nodded her head. "Yeah, a little, but I’m not very good."
"Posh! Luv, you’ll probably play me under the table! Well, at least once you can hold a cue without wincing."
Suddenly Willow felt it again. That nagging feeling that she didn’t really know what Spike had planned for her. That she was nothing more than a pawn in this game where she had no idea of the rules. She admitted to herself that she felt safe with him, why she didn’t know, but she was willing to admit that at least. However, she had no idea of his plans for her or what he expected of her. Willow wasn’t sure what was going on in the vampire’s head and she wasn’t sure if she wanted too.
Choosing to ignore the remark rather than hear again from him how she was his to do with as he pleased, she asked. "How about the rest?"
"On our way, Pet."
They moved down the hallway, past another door to their left which Spike told her was another bedroom. "That’s the room for the blokes no one want’s around. See how it’s right next to the rec. room? On a good night, when the games go ‘till the early morning, not even the dead can sleep in there. Makes most wankers leave in a real hurry."
The next door Spike entered turned out to be a nicely decorated sitting room.
Decorated in whites and other assorted soft colors, it definitely had a woman’s touch. Lace curtains in the purest white hung over the windows and Willow knew if given the chance she would love to come here during the day to soak up the sun. Beautiful white couches with floral patterns rounded the walls while a naturally light colored wood Willow couldn’t name made intricately carved end and coffee tables.
Spike said something about this being one of his least favorite rooms and Willow couldn’t help the barb that escaped her lips. "That’s probably because you’d go ‘Poof’ if you came in here."
"How right you are, how right you are. Sun light isn’t good for my complexion you know."
"Ah ha." Their laughter carrying them out of the room.
After entering the hallway again, Spike took Willow to the last door that happened to be at the opposite end from the stairs they’d first come up. A huge set of double oak doors in a deep stain stood before her and Willow was slightly creeped out by their ominous appearance.
"This is my room." It was all he said, and yet Willow felt his seeming apprehension about his words, almost as if he was still convincing himself of their truth.
Willow looked into his face and caught his eyes. "You don’t have to show me, if you don’t want too."
Suddenly he squeezed her tighter to his chest causing Willow to wrap her arms more tightly in response around his neck. "No Willow, I want to show you." He paused. "I think you’ll like it."
Opening the doors in front of them, Spike carried her over the thresh hold like a new bride. Willow would have noticed the foreshadowing of that particular act if she hadn’t been stunned to silence by the breath taking beauty of the room before her.
All around her was excellence. Directly in front of her was another massive fireplace surrounded by two wing back chairs. To her left were two doors, one in the middle of the wall, the other to the left. But it was to the right of the door that had caught Willow’s breath, for there before her sat a bed on a platform of the most exquisite design.
It took two steps up of plush carpet to reach the platform bed. Willow’s stunned brain noted that the bed was too large not to have been custom made. Reasoning it most likely was made for at least three people her mind again flashed back to the vampire family that must have resided here. The wood of the four poster bed was stained in a dark almost black color and the canopy that draped from the bars connecting the four posters and wrapped around the posts was of velvet black. The coverlet, like the canopy, was made of black velvet but the sheets that peeked over the lip were of a red—almost brown satin. The ten or so pillows that lined the head of the bed were a mixture of black velvet and the red-brown satin of the sheets. Willow felt a need to just lay on the bed and soak up the love and affection that must have been confessed upon it. Blushing at her train of thought she broke her gaze with the bed and looked up at Spike, only to fine him staring at her.
"It’s the type of bed Lady Gadiva would have slept in, don’t you think?"
He was teasing her and she knew it, knew he’d seen her face when she’d thought of just touching the magnificent piece of human craftsmanship. "I suppose. It’s not something an ordinary person would sleep in."
"How so?"
"Well…it’s not something I’d sleep in."
Willow watched his eyes catch the light coming from the fire across from them. "Well Willow, good thing no one in this house is an ordinary person."
She didn’t miss it, couldn’t miss the implications behind his words, and a part of her, a part she was afraid to listen to screamed its agreement with his statement and implications. Not wanting him to see what that part of her wanted, Willow broke eye contact and gestured to a door she’d just seen a few feet to the left of the bed. "What’s through there?"
Spike allowed her change of subject. "That Red, is the master bathroom. Care to take a look?" At her nod, Spike moved past the bed of Willows distraction and entered the bathroom. Once inside he set Willow on one of the counter tops and moved to a scone on the wall. "I can see just fine in here but I’m guessing you’ll have a hard time."
"Why is it that in all the rooms we’ve been to have always had fires going or candles lit? Even the chandeliers were lit. Just how many people are in this place anyway?"
Spike lit the scone and moved to the next one. "I knew I was going to show you around tonight. I figured I’d better light the old place up a bit or you wouldn’t be able to see much; that or I’d always be putting you down to light the rooms up." He caught her eyes, in the light of the match he was using to blaze the scone. "And besides you and I, Pet, there’s no one here."
Willow felt a shiver run down her spine at being alone with Spike; whether from fear or something else, she didn’t know. Just then the candle Spike was holding caught and Willow took the distraction afforded her to look around the bathroom. Against the wall was a large two-person shower stall. But it was the bathtub that caught her attention. Two steps led up to its lip before the tub sank into the provided platform. It was encased in white marble and again, looked like it was designed to fit three people conformably. Willow was amazed at the design of the estate and how it seemed to cater to vampires, and three at that.
"You must have been very happy here."
Startled by the question, Spike looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you, Drusilla, and Angelus must have been happy here."
Something in the silence that followed Willow’s statement caused her to wish she hadn’t said anything. Spike seemed to tense at her statement and she could see his hands balled up into fists.
When he spoke it was with a note of reserved violence. "Actually Luv, my last memories of this place are not my favorite." He paused. "Why don’t we agree on something?"
Willing to agree to anything he wanted so that he wouldn’t look like he was in so much pain, Willow readily agreed. "Sure, anything."
"I won’t mention how terrible your parents are, and you don’t mention Dru or Angelus. Deal?"
She didn’t hesitate. "Deal."
"Good, let’s get you out of here and show you the rest of this place, uh."
Lifting her off of the counter and into his arms, Spike almost reached the door before Willow spoke. "I’m sorry Spike."
"Don’t be, Willow, vampires in the closet and all that. Speaking of which, I think you’ll like this room." His smile seemed to return some of his earlier lightness, but a deep-seated pain still remained behind his eyes. Willow returned his smile.
She nodded and Spike carried her across the room, past the roaring fireplace, to the door on the far-left side of the wall. Inside was a massive closet that housed what anyone else would have considered a wardrobe of historical memorabilia, but Willow knew were the clothes of the times worn when the estate was still occupied. Long flowing dressed hung beside distinguished men’s formal suits. Willow could make out the hoops and petticoats that filled out the dresses around a corner and though Willow couldn’t see them, she was sure if she looked hard enough she’d find a whale bone corset.
"They look wearable."
"Well they should, don’t you think, for the price I paid for each and every one of them. They should survive a bloody nuclear war!"
"Spike, how much did you pay for them anyway? How about that dress over there?" She pointed to a delicate looking silk dress with enough fabric to make about half a dozen dresses nowadays.
"Oh I don’t know, maybe forty pounds or so."
"Forty pounds! If my conversion tables are right, that’s only about fifty dollars! What are you complaining about?"
"Luv, have you forgotten that I bought that dress almost two hundred years ago? Now let me see if my inflation table is right," he paused, letting her comment slap her jokingly in the face. "That would be about fifteen thousand dollars in today’s money, I think. Sound about right to you?"
His smile was mocking, but in a friendly way—Willow hated it. "Oh shut up."
His laughter carried them out of the room and to the second door lining the left wall. Once through it, Willow was astonished at what lay before her, a glass enclosed balcony. Two and a half walls and the ceiling were made from glass and as Willow gazed out beyond the glass she saw in the inky blackness of night just a glimmer of what the estate truly looked like. Drawing her eyes away from the glass she noticed the small oil lamp burning on a whitewashed patio table. Two chairs surrounded the table giving it an inviting look.
"This is incredible!"
"Glad you like it. When I first had the place built the workers broke three or four panes of glass before they could lay it right, but I think it was worth it."
"It was."
His soft chuckle caused Willow to blush and then blush even deeper when she realized how many times she’d blushed just that night.
"Come on, Luv. I think you’ve had enough shock for one night."
As they left the balcony, Willow took one longing look back and vowed she’d come back to this place.
Spike carried Willow down the hallway to her room and upon entering, deposited her on the bed and went to check the fire. Willow was so overwhelmed with all that she’d seen she barley remembered Spike’s promise until he’d come to turn down the bed and tuck her in.
"Spike?" She asked softly. "Do you think I was a good girl tonight?" She spoke the words and felt like a small child, one searching for praise from an adoring parent; which Willow was beginning to see as Spike.
"Course you were, Pet. Why do you…oh! Did I forget to show you something?" His wicked smile returned while at the same time Willow saw in his eyes his understanding of her question. He understood her. He understood her like no one else.
"Um, can I see that last room?"
Instead of answering he picked her up again and carried her down the hallway and then down the stairs to the second floor. Once there he stood in front of one set of double doors and waited.
Willow was getting impatient. "Um Spike, aren’t we going in?"
Spike looked down and her and smiled. "Willow, do you think you can stand on your own?"
"Oh, sure, I think."
"Let’s try, shall we?"
Placing her on her feet, and after making sure she had a good grasp on her balance, Spike reached for both door handles and push.
What lay beyond the doors rocked Willow on her feet so much so that Spike had to steady her by placing two hands on her shoulders. A massive library, the likes Willow had never seen lay before her in the fire lit room. Books to the twelve-foot ceiling lined the walls in front of her and to the left. Another fireplace, the size of a grown man lay to the right with floor to ceiling windows on either side. A plush brown carpet fell across the floor, except against the wall, which was wood, to provide ease traction for the multiple wheeled ladders that rounded the room. Chairs of all design and a few leather couches were scattered about along with a few tables and one great table that seemed to house a cubby of maps and other such scrolls below it.
Willow made a move to take her first step into the room but a sudden pull on her abdominal muscles caused her to wince and cry out. She grabbed for her stomach and would have fallen to the floor if Spike’s strong arms had not reached out and caught her. He lifted her into his embrace and spoke quietly into her ear, almost a whisper. "Command me where to take you, Lady."
Leaning into him for the comfort she so richly needed, Willow answer the only way she could. "Everywhere."
Again Spike carried her over the thresh hold of the room and towards the fire. Once there he placed her slight frame into one of the chairs and turned it so she could gaze into the depths of the room he had know she’d treasure above all others.
He watched her eyes travel first over one bookcase and then another, absorbing as much as she could by the light of the fire. Her skin was flush from her near fall and the heat of the fire and Spike noted how much a noble woman she looked then sitting in a chair built for royalty. Kneeling down beside her he raised his hand to her chin and drew her face around to look at him.
"Do you like your surprise?"
She could barley speak. "Yes."
"Tell me a title of a book you wish to read. I’ll get it for you."
Willow took her mind from staring at Spike’s perfection long enough to register that he had not said he would look for the book, only that he would bring it for her. Wanting him to move away from her and take the strange feelings she was developing for him away also she spoke. "Why don’t you get me the book you like the best." At Spike’s raised eyebrow, "The book a person holds as their favorite tells a lot about them, don’t you think?"
Nodding his head, Spike stood and moved across the room and around a corner Willow had not seen when she’d first entered. Now sitting by the left wall, Willow could see that the library wrapped around the entire second floor, leaving space only for Spike’s study, the hallway, and the staircase up and down. The sheer volume of books here rivaled almost any library Willow had ever been to, and made the Sunnydale Library look like a child’s bookcase. Willow traced the books with her eyes, following them from left of the fireplace, down around a corner and back up the wall before meeting with the doors, then continuing above the doors to the next and then around the other corner Spike had turned down. Willow could hardly wait until she was strong enough to peruse the books herself. Until then, she was content letting Spike help her.
The last though stunned Willow and she was so engrossed with her mental dialogue trying to figure out when she had begun to allowed Spike to see her weakness, that she didn’t see him approach and kneel before her.
"Willow?"
Startled she looked up guiltily. "Sorry, I got lost for a second."
Understanding seeped into his eyes. "Take your time, I’ll be here to help you find your way back home, always."
"You will…won’t you?"
"Yes."
A weight lifted off of Willow at his words and again she didn’t know what to think about this man who was suppose to kill her, and instead had taken her mind and…heart…captive. The part of her that still called for death screamed at her that he was dangerous, that he would only betray her like the rest; that she was better off not giving him a second thought and just begging for death. However a larger part of her sunk into the compassion he seemed to feel for her and the gentleness he used only made her want to remember, if only for a time, that there was another option besides death. She didn’t know what she wanted, she didn’t know who she could trust.
"What book did you pick?"
"See for yourself." He handed her the book and the moment Willow saw the title she started laughing.
"Um, Pet, what’s so funny?"
"Oh my Goddess! You never saw that movie with Mel Gibson, and Julia Roberts did you?"
"Don’t recall seeing a lot of movies and none in the last ten years or so. Want to fill me in, Luv?"
"Did you know that serial killers have like ten copies of this book in their homes? It’s like, have this book and you automatically have to kill people for fun."
"Willow, I do kill people for fun."
She stopped laughing. It wasn’t funny anymore. He was right, in a way he was a serial killer. The worst kind; the kind that came out at night and terrorized the innocent, killed those that had no hope of defending themselves. He was a demon, what better serial killer could you hope to get? One without a conscious, one that felt no guilt, no remorse, only the need to find another victim and end their own hunger.
She shivered, she couldn’t help it. The severity of the situation she was in came crashing down on her and she realized she had no one to blame but herself. Pushing herself to a standing position, she moved to stand in front of one of the windows, her back to Spike the book he’d brought still in her hand. The title, "The Catcher In The Rye" catching the firelight.
"Willow?"
She wanted to answer him, wanted to forget what he was, what he’d done to her in the past; but now she couldn’t. Now she wouldn’t allow herself to. He was a killer, she had to remember that; and she either had to get him to kill her, or die trying. There was no other way; she couldn’t live with the other way.
"When will you kill me, Spike?"
Again she’d stunned him into silence. The night had gone well as far as Spike knew, then all of a sudden she wanted to die again; it didn’t make sense. He needed answers and he needed them now.
"Tell me why you want to die, Willow."
"No."
"Why not!"
She turned to look at him, her face hollow and dark in the firelight. "I don’t trust you."
Standing Spike moved to her. Turning her back around so that she was facing the window, he wrapped his arms around hers and clasped his hands just below her breasts. He stood there for a long while, feeling Willow struggle with herself not to relax against him. When she finally failed and leaned into his embrace he spoke again.
"I want you to trust me, Willow. I need you too. So if I have to be the first one to bend, then I will." He could feel the question in her posture as she tried to turn and look at him, only to have him hold her steady, flush against his body. "I trust you, Willow. I do. To prove my trust in you, I give you free reign of this house. You may go anywhere and everywhere in it, both during the day and at night. I ask only three things: one that you don’t over do it while you’re still recovering from you injuries; two that you don’t leave this house under any circumstances; and three, that you will call on me at anytime, should you have need of me. Can you do those three things for me…Willow?"
"You give me too much freedom. You know I wish to die and now you give me the means to do it myself. You are very foolish."
"No, I don’t think so." Lifting her chin, he brought her face to look up at his. "If you truly wanted to kill yourself, Willow, you would have done so by now. It’s hard to keep a man or woman from taking their own life if they so choose. No, I think you won’t kill yourself for the same reason you asked me to kill you back in Sunnydale; you know in your heart that you don’t want to die." At the shake of her head against his words he continued. "You don’t want to die, Luv. It just seems easier that way, less painful. No, you don’t want me to kill you and you don’t want to kill yourself; you want someone to save you…save you from yourself." Her eyes were blank as they stared into his own and Spike knew that at least some part of her recognized he now understood.
"I trust you, Pet. I trust you to wait for me…to wait for me to save you from yourself. Promise me you’ll follow the rules, Luv, and I’ll let you free so you can learn to trust me."
She was so confused. She didn’t know what to do. He was right and yet he was wrong; wrong to think that she wasn’t desperate enough to stop the pain and yet right in that she wasn’t strong enough to do it herself. She wanted death, she craved it, and yet at the same time she wished for peace, the kind that she had never known in her short life time, the kind she was beginning to think this wayward vampire could bring her. She wanted peace.
"You’re a fool to trust me, Spike. But I…agree. I’ll follow all the rules."
"Willow…Pet…Luv, I promise you, I’m no fool. I only make safe bets. You’ll see."
Something in his words, in his voice, made Willow think, for just a moment, that he could really be the one, the one to bring her peace.
She allowed him to lift her into his arms and carry her back upstairs to her room. Once there she fell into a deep sleep, staged in a house with doors that led to hope and doors that led to quiet oblivion.
chapter 4